No complaints, please!

Fall comes to my yard

Florida is divided into two camps: those like me who grew up here, and the rest who moved here after they became adults.  I have several theories why we are so outnumbered.  First, it takes a hardy breed to make it in a place where alligators, sharks, and weird weather often dominate the nightly news. Some of the very same things draw the masses here to enjoy our unique wildlife, watersports and wintertime warmth. 

I don't mind the newcomers.  I admire their intellect in their choice of a new home state, and certainly appreciate their additions to our cuisine.  Most of all, they are a source of endless amusement. 

There's nothing funnier than watching a newcomer scream like a baby piglet when they come face to face with their first palmetto bug-a supersized cousin of a northern cockroach, or leap in fear when a harmless chameleon crosses their path.  When I stop laughing long enough to wipe the tears away and tell them that the chameleons are what keeps the palmetto bugs at bay, they're usually reaching for the phone to call the movers. 

If they make it through the first six months, they are usually hooked on their new state and settle in well. Their tales of critter encounters become badges of honor and award them celebrity status with the folks back home.

The rub comes somewhere in the first year when they begin to complain about Florida's climate. Instead of noticing the lack of snow blowers at Lowes, and that no one here knows where to find  something called an ice scraper, they begin to whine about their new home.

"I miss the changing of the seasons." 

If ever you wanted to show your rookie stripes, complain about missing the colorful fall leaves.  We natives know.  The first cold snap will bring us colors as beautiful as anything you'll see up north.  You just need to know where to look. 

Keep whining and you'll begin to hear your more settled neighbors muttering under their breath about heading back to where you came from. We're tolerant of a lot of your foibles, but don't pick on our home.  You chose to come here and if you don't like it, we'd appreciate it if you choose to head back where the leaves change on demand and the snow piles up to your rooftops.

And don't try to explain to me how a perfectly good credit card can be used as an ice scraper. That's just crazy talk.